When Kids Bring Home Problems – Love and Logic Post

The following landed in my email inbox yesterday and I felt compelled to share.  Love and Logic is relatively well aligned with I Love Me Mom philosophy (perhaps I’ll post sometime on our philosophical differences), and this particular strategy feels good for me.  I welcome your thoughts on this article and your experience with Love and Logic.


When Kids Bring Home Problems

Connor was having trouble making friends. “None of the cool kids will play with me. Only the dopey kids will,” he complained.

“Oh, no,” Dad said with a wrinkled forehead and sadness in his eyes. “That sounds rough. What do you think you can do about that?”

“I don’t know,” Connor whined. “The teachers won’t help me.”

“Hmm,” Dad paused. “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?”

Connor grunted, “Guess so.”

“Well,” Dad continued, “some kids decide to forget about having friends. How would that work for you?”

“Not good. I’ll never have people to do stuff with.”

“Yeah, good thinking,” said Dad. “Some kids decide to pick out some cool – or maybe just nice kids and try to be super friendly to them. They go out of their way to say nice things – stuff like that. How do you think that would work for you?”

Connor thoughtfully frowned. “I guess I could try that. But what if it doesn’t work?”

Dad replied, “It’ll be interesting to see, won’t it? That’s all the ideas I have right now. Thanks for telling me about this. Good luck, buddy.”

Connor’s dad gave him the gift of struggling with a problem. Many Love and Logic parents have enjoyed empowering their kids to solve problems using this five-step process:

  1. Respond with empathy:  “That’s a tough one.”
  2. Send the power message:  “Would you like to hear what some kids have tried?”
  3. Offer ideas: “Some kids decide to…”
  4. Ask about the expected results: “How do you think that would work for you?”
  5. Give permission to solve the problem: “Let me know how it goes. Good luck.”

Have fun experimenting with this technique next time your child brings home a problem regarding friendships, or just about anything else.

Dr. Charles Fay

©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.


About I Love Me Mom

Jill Baake is a Certified Life Coach specializing in helping people create more joy in their lives. With a focus on self love, personal power and the Law of Attraction, Jill gives clients the opportunity to learn about themselves, think from new perspectives and take full responsibility for their experiences. In addition, Jill co-founded and manages a wellness center known as The Atrium at Rolling Spirit and is the author of I Love Me Mom. Learn more by visiting www.centerspiritcoaching.com.
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2 Responses to When Kids Bring Home Problems – Love and Logic Post

  1. I like it. It sends the message, “There is nothing wrong with you. This is normal stuff. You can figure it out but you don’t have to go it completely alone.” The dad’s new ideas and acceptance of what is seemed to give the child ideas to ponder so he could come up with his own…the only ideas that work anyway. Sounds like coaching. 🙂

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