So why is it so hard for me to ask for help?
I don’t think we are meant to “do” life by ourselves. We are here together in communities, families, and partnerships for a reason. We need these relationships to help us learn and grow, to mirror and reflect our thoughts and beliefs, and to support us along the way.
I woke up this morning with a bad attitude. I’ll spare you the life details that I’ve connected with ugh feeling; the point is that it’s here — loud and clear. As a Life Coach, I’ve got a multitude of tools and awarenesses and techniques to select from to help myself work through this current emotional state. The problem is that when I’m in the cloudiness of self-doubt and victimhood, having the tools and using them are two different things.
As a coach, I rely on people asking for help to earn a living. I can’t do the work that I love unless others acknowledge the value of help. I can see the need and love the process of giving and receiving help, yet in my own personal life, I struggle to make that call on my own behalf.
Not anymore. I am taking a stand on this one for myself. I need help. I need people in my life to love and support me when I’m amazing and when I suck. I have wonderful people in my circle that feel the same honor and appreciation that I do when I ask them for a listening ear, and I will no longer deny them that gift. When I ask for help, I create a safe place for others to do the same.
It feels relevent to look at the fears and old thought patterns that stop me from asking for love and support when I need it.
- Fear: There is a piece of me that feels I should be able to take care of myself and labels asking for help as a sign of weakness. The Truth: Asking for help is sign of strength and honesty, and a critical component to authentic self-care.
- Fear: There is a piece of me that fears judgment from others if I present myself as vulnerable. I don’t want people to look at my bad mood as an indication that I can’t handle my own life. The Truth: Others feel honored to be asked for help; and it allows them to connect with me in a powerful way.
- Fear: If I call on others when I have a bad attitude, they will not want to talk to me and I will become “that guy” that has the bad attitude. The Truth: I am an optimistic and joyful person at my core, and the risk of me abusing my help resources is slim to none. Furthermore, being who I am is critical to enjoying true connection with others.
Here’s a little more of my personal truth… there is a piece of me that doesn’t want to shift when I’m grumpy. Misery loves self-company, and when I’m attending my pity party, I don’t want someone to bust it up. I feel yucky in that emotional state, yet I don’t want to do anything to move out of it.
I’ve become an expert self-abuser in my life, and sometimes I like to see how sharp those skills still are. The difference between the present and a few years ago is that I’ve now also become a self-love expert and I recognize the abuse much sooner. I now have the awareness to see it for what it is and understand my responsibility in its application.
Here’s my challenge to you. What stops you from asking for help? How can you expand your self-love to include knowing your need for others? How can you overcome that piece of you that wonders if you’re worthy of help? (You are worthy.)
Here is my ask for help. Help me help you. You deserve the gift of help, and it is available to you. This post comes with a gift. I will gift a free 30 minute coaching session to any reader that asks for one. Call me – 414-858-0262 or email firstname.lastname@example.org (New clients only; limit one per person.) Forward this gift to a friend.
Learn more about me and about coaching at www.centerspiritcoaching.com.
PS: I started this post feeling icky, and I am now feeling empowered, excited and ready to get on with my day. Hooray! Perhaps I learned something today!